Today, we hear Jesus’ teaching on divorce. Unfortunately, many Catholics have heard more preaching at Mass about divorce than about healthy relationships. Pope Francis challenges us preachers not to lament about how things were better in “the good old days” when society was structured differently. Instead, he says we should explain why loving relationships – especially marriages – are such blessings to the whole of society. 

But before we go on in this Mass, let’s take a moment to pray silently for family members and friends who are struggling: for those who feel lonely, for those who question if they’re ready to settle down with their partner, for those whose marriages are troubled, and for those who have chosen to end their marriages. 

The Church is called to care for those who are suffering much more than it is to comfort those who are perfect. For the times that we have fallen short, let us ask God to fill us once again with his unconditional love.

Lord Jesus, you were present as God’s Word at the creation of man and woman. Lord, have mercy.

Christ Jesus, you taught us to love one another as you loved us. Christ, have mercy.

Lord Jesus, your love continues to bind us close to one another. Lord, have mercy.

One evening several years ago, I was talking with an acquaintance of mine who had been divorced for 15 years. That evening, she disclosed to me that she was Catholic, she hadn’t gone to Mass since her divorce because she wasn’t allowed to receive communion, and she didn’t want to go through all the paperwork and money needed to receive an annulment. I asked her three quick questions, and after hearing her answers, I told her that she was terribly mistaken. For her case, there was only one page of paperwork, it could be completed at no cost in less than a month, and she could have been receiving communion the whole time! She said, “Yeah, that’s what my mom told me, but I didn’t believe her.”

The Church has a wealth of beautiful teachings about relationships. But if we focus our efforts on condemning those who don’t achieve “happily ever after,” we aren’t helping people who are hurting and struggling. 

As our Genesis reading attests, one of the fundamental aspects of being human is to long for something beyond ourselves. Our ultimate longing is for God, but we also desire to connect with other people in a whole variety of ways, be it in group settings or with individuals, with people of the same sex and of the opposite sex. To be human is to desire true, meaningful connections with other people.

Jesus came to give us life in abundance, and ideally, all the meaningful relationships in our lives should help us to better understand God’s love for us. Love is not just a noun describing a feeling. It is a verb describing a commitment. Love is treating someone with kindness even when you’ve had a bad day. Love is working through your differences rather than “agreeing to disagree.” Love is trying to forgive someone when they momentarily fail to show you unconditional love. To be clear: momentary failure to love is different than ongoing abuse. If someone is caught in an abusive relationship, the Church will support them getting out!

But even in the best circumstances, relationships are hard work. Many single young adults are convinced that there are no eligible partners to meet. People who are dating struggle to discern if and when they’re ready to make a lifelong commitment to their partner. Almost every married couple experiences conflicts that make them temporarily question if their relationship is worth salvaging. Even today, divorced people find themselves rejected by friends with whom they were close when they were married. 

We as a Church have a tremendous obligation to help these people feel loved and included. What specifically can we do to help those who need to more deeply experience God’s profound, unconditional love? Here are three simple rules.

Rule number one: be friendly. We should all make the effort to greet everyone at church warmly. Let them know that they have a place here, that they are welcome. 

Rule number two: reach out. Whether we know someone well or barely at all, we can show them compassion. It can be as simple as making eye contact and showing a look of concern, or it can be pulling them aside and asking if they’re OK. If they tell us that they need help, but we don’t know how to help them, there’s…

Rule number three: encourage them to seek help. If someone is truly struggling with a relationship issue, we can encourage them to seek out a psychological or religious professional. We on the pastoral staff at St. Austin are glad to help people whether or not they are Catholic. But how do we encourage someone to seek the help of a therapist or a pastoral minister, without feeling like we’re prying into their lives? Consider three specifics:

1. If you know someone trying to determine if they should get engaged, encourage them to contact an expert. Therapists and ministers love to help people build better relationships! People don’t have to wait until they’re engaged to reach out to the Church for relationship advice.

2. If you know someone going through a hard time in their marriage, encourage them to contact an expert. Therapists and ministers agree that 80% of marriages that fail could have been saved if the couples had sought help sooner. 

3. For those 20% of marriages that cannot be saved, be a friend to those who are divorced. The Church recognizes that some marriages fail because one or both of the partners were not capable of making the lifetime commitment at the time of the wedding. Six months after your friend’s divorce is finalized, encourage him or her to talk with a church professional. The annulment process can be a beautiful opportunity for healing, when it is done well.

To round out this homily, I have one more list. Here are four specific suggestions on how we can help build each other up:

1. First of all, each of us should be like my friend Charlotte. Whenever she comes to church, she always introduces herself to someone she doesn’t know, and then she introduces that person to someone she does know. This not about playing matchmaker: it’s just about helping people get to know one another. 

2. Second, if you’re comfortable coming to Mass in-person right now, prayerfully consider becoming an usher or a greeter. We could really use a team of 4 or 5 people at each and every Mass. Check the eNews or bulletin for more details.

3. Third, if you and your partner have a good relationship, consider becoming a sponsor couple to journey with people preparing for marriage. You can also serve as a resource for married couples going through a rough patch.

4. Finally, if you have a legal background, please consider becoming an advocate for those going through the annulment process. It’s a beautiful ministry of reconciliation, and we always need more people to help!

The main point on relationships is this: we don’t have to do it alone. We need to build each other up within the Body of Christ. If we all want to go to heaven together, we need to encourage one another, just as Jesus welcomed the children.